I have always heard about 5-star hotels, those are supposed to be the best places in the world to sleep. Ordinary folk are usually relegated to two- or three-star hotels. Those who have traveled much have war stories about being forced to stay at a one-star hotel... Those who lived to tell the tale simply said, "nasty."
Now, all well-heeled men know that taking your lady to a motel means hot love action. Hotels are for humping.
Here are my suggested criteria for grading hotels.
5 stars - Your lady puts it on you twice in one day. The first before you even get all the luggage in the room.
4 stars - She puts it on you once (with oral action), but it is really hot.
3 stars - You get one above average session of poon.
2 stars - She says to you, "Could you put a move on it, I'm hungry."
1 star - She looks around the room and says to you "No." But after putting two tequila shots in her, you get some anyway.
0 stars - A can of Lysol is needed to make you feel comfortable touching anything. It takes three shots of tequila and some of the best moves a man has in his arsenal. You end up doing it in the car.
-1 stars - The place is so bad, you won't even put out. Anytime you attempt to remove your penis from his underwear house, he says to you "Ahhh, hell no, not in this place."
Get on it, Hotels.com.
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